Hope Chasing: Trials and Resolutions

Why trials are not necessarily a (big) reason for hope — The freedom of cancer—How to recap the year and think about New Year resolutions

Oh, you are getting on a trial, people comment, as if I have won the lottery. That’s good, they point out, reacting to my less than enthusiastic acknowledgment of the fact. In their minds, unburdened by knowledge of the disease, a trial is a miracle in waiting.

It is not just my cynical nature that is tainting my perspective. It is not even the experience since my diagnosis five months ago — when bad news drips like a proverbial Chinese water torture one appointment after another, you quickly learn to calibrate hope and expectations. After all, my appointments put “dis” in disappointment. For the outsider, a trial is a frontier of opportunity, magic powered by science. And in the long run, they are. But in the short run, in the context of each individual that participates in them, trials are a last ditch effort to eek a response after proven methods have failed. Participating in a trial is a consolation prize that like all consolation prizes leaves a sour taste in your mouth. If you are already on a trial, the long run is really not that relevant to you. Especially early in the trial (and mine is a Phase 1), you are more likely to…